Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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