it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
