Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
