If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
