My sheets look like a crime scene.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
