I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
