You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
