I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
