i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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