Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I supernannyed him into submission
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize