What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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