Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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