chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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