I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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