I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
