Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
