And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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