I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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