Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
