Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
