Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
