____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
