i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
