Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
