THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
