I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize