Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
