My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
