I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the day after is always just damage control
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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