Sorry, I don't speak sober.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
