Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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