is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
