just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
