Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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