I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize