Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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