Whod you bang
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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