You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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