Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
