when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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