hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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