Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
