I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize