I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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