I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
