The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
