She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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