I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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