I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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