So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
