In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
