Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
