It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
