Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize