If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
