Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
