Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
