Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
