I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
