My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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