I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
