he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
