Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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