is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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