I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
