Your face is a jimmy john
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
