Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize