I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
