i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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