Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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