Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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