i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
