Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
