does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
