when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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