The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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