I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
