You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
