We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
