just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
