is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I still have a little drunk in my system
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize