Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
