He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
