I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
