Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have post one night stand depression
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
