someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
