Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
