Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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