Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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