giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
