I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
