He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
