That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
