It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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