Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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