Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
