she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
