As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
