The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
