cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
