I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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