i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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