we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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