u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
