I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry about my life...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
