What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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