Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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