So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
