By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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