I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
