He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
