Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
